The Enlightened Child Raising Practice of Indigenous People and The Tragic Child Raising Practices of The West, Understanding Your Infants Needs
Hold Them In Your Arms!
When an infant is held in your arms, she feels as if she is being held in the arms of the creator. There can be no higher experience of peace and bliss than for a child to be held tenderly in the arms of her mother.
While the most pleasurable feeling for an infant or child, is the contact with his family, and of course breastfeeding, the most painful experience is to be left alone, ignored, not tended to and not given the breast milk or other attention he needs.
1. Prior to feeling any pain, your infant feels pure need. Feeling needy is pleasurable.
2. When the need is not met, it quickly turns into pain. The infant feels sadness, and a longing for touch and nurturance.
3. Being left alone, and not tended too, quickly becomes unbearably painful. The infant screams, he feels like if his needs are not met, he will die. His life is at stake, he will scream and cry.
4. If screaming is futile, and the mother is not there, or if nobody holds him and feeds him, he begins to withdraw. Life on earth is too painful. Many parents believe that they should let a child "cry it out." While we need to hold a place to honor hurt feelings of our child, this method means the child feels utterly abandoned by the universe. For them, it is as if their life has ended. They will never be the same.
Why Do Mother's Abandon Their Children?
When the mother was an infant and child, she was likely hurt, rejected, and helplessly exposed to pain and deprivation. Children find that numbing their feelings is the best way to cope with such abuse. This is a quite realistic expression of a child. Numbness eventually become second nature as the child grows up, this is how evil is born.
When the mother was a child, in order for her to survive, she had to make the painful hurt, and the deep sadness, somehow feel okay. This is accomplished by combining the pleasure current, with the pain current. Imagine say, a 3 month old, they have no thoughts, and no mind, and they are experiencing pain. You could imagine that they would take this painful experience to be apart of life, and try to make it feel okay.
As an adult, the mother is now numb to her own feelings, and at the same time, she has her feeling of pleasure mixed up with pain.
Due to the twisted pleasure, and the numbness, it feels somewhat normal for a mother to abandon her child, and society supports this.Abandonment: When I say abandonment I am not refering exclusively to leaving your infant or child on someone's doorstep. Abandonment means not being present to breast feed your child, or to nurture them, on their cues. I am reffering to day cares, to letting them "cry it out" alone in their rooms, babysitters, nannies, anything that is a reflection of the mother not allowing, and nurturing the bond with her child. Leaving infant with the father, or other relativies where you are not available to breastfeed on cue, or, where the family member is not holding constantly the 0-6 month old infant, and not holding frequently a 6-36 month old, is also abandonment.
In the Second Womb, the infant feels safe and trusts life. The mother radiates a warmth of presence and comfort, the mother’s womb actually radiates this energy.
The infant who is helpless after birth and is still growing and developing, and yet Nature’s design can no longer support physical maturation within the mother. So nature created, a second womb. Although you may not be able to see the second womb with your eye’s, and although it is possible to separate the infant from this second womb, the second womb is still real and it exists.
When an infant cannot receive physical contact from his mother (or relative) his womb is shattered, and he becomes lost in the world, he experiences this as an acute pain and loneliness.
Deep down, every mother and father wants to nourish their children. The needs of your child grow and change, as your child grows and changes.
Love, Care: "More often, however, both parents are emotionally immature and cannot give the love the child craves, or give it only in insufficient measure. During childhood, this need is rarely conscious." Pathwork Lecture 73
Closeness, Holding, Bonding:“For an infant, closeness is an entirely passive experience: the child takes in, receives, soaks up nourishment and affection as a merely receptive organism, thus illustrating the universal feminine principle. The mother in this case is the giver, and in that capacity the truly feminine woman expresses her masculine principle." Pathwork Lecture 207
Constant Physical Contact, Attention: Your child needs to be constantly held by his caregiver or another family member until between the age of 5-7 months. During this time the child nurses, observes and sleeps.
Breastfeeding on Cue, Nourishment: Your child needs to breast feed. when they are hungry. Breastfeeding ends, when your child is done. This takes 4-7 years if you fully allow it.
Immediate Response, Appreciation: Parents immediately respond to your child's needs, when they cry or are upset, care is taken to give them what they need, and resolve the discomfort.
A Continuum of Care to provide Trust and Safety: Being a parent is not a job you can just quit, or stop for a while and take a break. Until your child reaches complete individuality, you need to be there for them. And you need to be there for them as often as they need you. This is really honoring, this is real prayer, attention, communion and love. That means, do not break the bond with your child, do not abandon them. When you are unfaithful, and unclear with your willingness to be physically and emotionally present for your child as they grow, this puts a dent into the substance of your child, because they will feel hurt that you do not fully love them.
This list was adapted from Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff
With breastfeeding infant receives, the ideal food and source of nourishment, a pleasurable life giving connection and a biological feeling of peace and relaxation. His body becomes soft and receptive. Breastfeeding on cue is the easiest and best way to take care of a child, because it makes children calm, and relaxed.
The average time of breastfeeding in a study of 64 Indigenous groups was between 3-4 years. The strong and sturdy Eskimo people breastfeed until their children are 6-7. Breastfeeding Biocultural Perspectives
The mother receives a daily vacation through breastfeeding. Relaxing and pleasurable hormones are released, and this stimulates a feeling of love and connection with your child.
Breastfeeding can occur 10-30 times or more a day. Good nurturing breast feedings can last as long as an hour, this allows the hind milk to come through. (this is not all the time, just every few feedings)
Common Breastfeeding Myths:
(Myth) Breastfeeding at night causes cavities in infants
(Truth) Children need to breast feed at night, it helps them sleep well, and gives their body nutrients to grow through the night, and it does not cause cavities. Cavities are caused by a deficiency of nutrients, so lack of breastfeeding will increase the odds of cavities.
(Myth) Children need to breast feed 3-9 months and then they need to wean
(Truth) Children need to breast feed for several years. Breast milk is the ideal food. Early weaning does not honor nature's continuum, which designed children, to be children, for many years. Early weaning forces them to mature too rapidly.
(Myth) Infant formula is an acceptable alternative to breast milk
(Truth) Only homemade infant formula as described by the Weston Price Foundation, which includes raw grassfed milk, or bone broths, provides the adequate nutrients to support health and growth.
Nature designed you and your infant for a program of breastfeeding.
In the West, our child raising practices are not wise, as they break apart the bond between mother and child. Why do we do this?
The Mother is deeply unhappy. In the smaller picture to the left, is this couple having a dinner with their friends. They want life to be like it was before they had their baby. They want to feel their “freedom” as parents. They go out to dinner without their child, because it is socially less accepted to bring infants into nice restaurants.
By not holding and physically contacting their child, they thwart their child's developmental process. The child feels constantly needy, he is unloved, or only partially loved. He experiences life as suffering.
The Separated and Painful Way to Parent - Not Recommended
The origin of these painful practices is a feeling of separation in the parents. The parents feel separated from life, and from the creator, and so, they impose their feeling, consciously and unconsciously, on their children.
Traumatic separation from his mother at birth due to medical intervention and placement in maternity wards, in physical isolation except for the sound of other crying newborns, with the majority of male babies further traumatized by medically unnecessary circumcision surgery; and poisoned by ineffective and dangerous vaccinations.
"Crying himself to sleep" child is left alone in crib
Scheduled feeding, with his natural nursing impulses often ignored or "pacified";
Excluded and separated from normal adult activities, relegated for hours on end to a nursery, crib or playpen where he is inadequately stimulated by toys and other inanimate objects;
Caregivers often ignoring, discouraging, belittling or even punishing him when he cries or otherwise signals his needs; or else responding with excessive concern and anxiety, making him overly the center of attention;
Punishment and Harshness Caregivers believe that the child cannot learn correct behavior without strict controls, threats and a variety of manipulative "parenting techniques." These parents do not trust the child's equisitely designed learning process.
“Worldwide prevalence: The U.S. is the only country in the world that routinely circumcises most of its male infants for non-religious reasons. Over 80% of the world's males are intact.
Pain of Circumcision
According to a comprehensive study, newborn responses to pain are "similar to but greater than those observed in adult subjects." Some infants do not cry because they go into traumatic shock from the overwhelming pain of the surgery. No experimental anesthetic has been found to be safe and effective in preventing circumcision pain in infants.
Negative Behavioral Response from Circumcision
Various studies have found that short-term effects of circumcision include changed sleep patterns, activity level, and mother-infant interaction, more irritability, and disruptions in feeding and bonding. Changes in pain response have been demonstrated at six months of age.
The rate of complications occurring in the hospital and during the first year has been documented as high as 38% and includes hemorrhage, infection, surgical injury, and in rare cases, death.” Circumcision.Org
“Jewish circumcision has never had anything to do with health concerns. Circumcision conflicts with significant Jewish laws and values.” Jewish Circumcision.Org
One easy way to honor your child's continuum is with baby slings. In a sling, the child feels close and connected to you. You can also just hold them.
In this example above, the mother is giving unconditionally to her child. The mother feels her pleasure in giving. Slowly her child feels fulfilled and trusts life. Life is pleasurable for this child.
When you give fully and unconditionally to your child, they will be fulfilled.
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